How to Confront Him Without Ruining Your Relationship
Have you ever confronted your husband about something or let him know you weren’t pleased with his actions only to have him become uncaring, aloof and defensive for several days. He shut down and was no longer his loving sweet self. Perhaps he quit being affectionate or become overly critical and channeled all his energy into ignoring you. In your mind, your words were justified. Why couldn’t he just admit you were right and get over it?
In Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, John Gray discusses this phenomenon by saying that a man feels attacked when his wife finds issue with something he is doing. He senses her disapproval and finds it very painful. His reaction is to pull away from her emotionally as well as physically.
He goes on to say that the way to prevent a situation like this is buffer your complaint with an understanding attitude and let him know you see his good intentions in the matter. Reminds me of 1 Corinthians 13: 7 in the Amplified Bible version: Love believes the best of every person.
Some examples:
Bad: “Why didn’t you call when you knew you were going to be late?”
Good: “I understand that you were so busy that you forgot to call but next time please remember to call me when you work overtime.”
Bad: “If you would’ve been watching the kids like I asked you to, Johnny would not have fallen out of the tree.”
Good: “I know you were busy here in the house and it’s hard to always keep track of the kids but next time could you please keep a better eye on Johnny?”
If you want to confront your husband about an issue, buffer your complaint and keep the peace in your marriage by being understanding and letting him know that even though you don’t like what he did, you can see his good intentions in the matter.
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
