Problem Solving Methods: Are You Hopeless, Clueless or Proactive
How do you deal with issues that come up in your marriage? Do you face problems head on or do you simply accept them as your lot in life and “take it lying down,” so to speak. Perhaps you are disappointed in your spouse or your sex life seems like a failure, or your in-laws are always in your business. Whatever the problem, you give in to hopelessness and self-pity with the attitude, “There’s nothing I can do about it. I’ve got to put up with it. Poor me!”
A variation of this is women who say, “I am believing God to turn my marriage around,” but in reality they have given up. The evidence that this is happening is that there is no joy and no expectancy in their lives. They are passively letting their problems get the best of them.
Some people pretend the problem doesn’t exist or refuse to acknowledge that it’s really a problem. For example, “My husband is mean to me but it’s OK because that’s just the way he is.” or “The Bible tells me to walk in love so I will patiently endure.” Some ignore others bad behavior because they secretly feel that they deserve to be treated that way. Fear of confrontation or the hope that ignoring the problem will cause it to go away or simply just not knowing what to do about it are some of the reasons women do not confront issues.
Some lash out at their spouse. Most people who are skidding toward divorce have convinced themselves that their marriage partner is the problem. “It’s his fault. He is selfish, mean and lazy. He has hurt me, but I’ll get even. I’ll make him pay for the way he’s treated me. I’ll show him that he can’t do that to me!”
Last, but not least, you could be proactive and face the problem head-on. Study it calmly and open-mindedly and ask God for wisdom as you uncover the underlying causes of your marital problems. Take inventory of possible resources, and then deliberately and courageously work on the solution that’s best for everybody involved.
Some things are beyond your control. You can’t do much about the kind of mother your husband has or the characteristics he’s inherited. However you can change yourself. You can pray for your husband and your marriage, and change the way you act, talk and think. The courageous woman accepts the unchangeable factors in the problem and sets about correcting the conditions which are within her control–especially her own habits and responses.
Evaluate yourself and think about how you deal with issues that come up in your marriage? Is it the best way? By doing this exercise you may discover that there is a better way to deal with your problems and it may be just what you need to start transforming your marriage.
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