The husband’s failure to lead can cause many difficulties in the home. If your husband is avoiding the responsibility of leading your family, here are some ways to help him.

1. Encourage him in the little things.  When he makes a decision for the family, if you possibly can, act excited and say “That sounds great.”  It may be as simple as him saying, “We are going to see grandma today,” or “Let’s go for a walk after dinner.”

When it’s over, you might say something like, “That was a good idea, honey.  I had such a good time.  Thanks for planning it.”

2. Build up his self-confidence.  Take note of his accomplishments and compliment him.  Whether he’s fixed the faucet in the bathroom, taught your daughter to ride the bike or cooked some steaks on the grill, let him know you think he did a great job.

3. Respect him.  When he talks, look at him and listen. Don’t criticize his ideas or say things that demean him or disagree with him in front of other people.

4. Treat him as the leader in your home.  If you have strong feelings about a decision that needs to be made, let him know but allow him to have the final say.

5. Let him know you believe in him.  If he makes a decision that doesn’t pan out so well, have an understanding attitude and look for the positive in the situation.

You can help your husband become a confident leader.  Ask God to show you additional ways to support your husband in fulfilling his responsibility as a leader.  Pray for him and be patient, realizing this is a process and will not happen instantly.

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One reason is a lack of self-confidence.  He may be dealing with low self-esteem, or perhaps he ’s made poor decisions in the past causing him to lose confidence in his decision making abilities. Sometimes men give up their role as a leader because his wife has convinced him that she is better equipped to lead the family.

Others don’t lead their families because they did not have a good role model when they were  growing up.  Maybe they grew up without a father or perhaps they saw their mother make all the major decisions in the home.

In some cases the wife has manipulated the husband to do the things she wants him to do by nagging, criticizing, crying, or withholding sex.  He may eventually just give up and let her do whatever she wants.

Maybe he just does not want to.  I remember one situation where a newlywed husband asked the wife to lead and make decisions.  He felt like it was just too much responsibility.

Regardless of why he is not leading, in the eyes of God he is still the appointed leader in the home.  Help your marriage and your family by encouraging him in his calling and not doing anything to undermine his confidence.