Ending a Friendship: When is it Time To Move On?
Is there ever a time when we need to cut off negative relationships? Guest writer Richard Jarzynka shares his thoughts concerning this touchy subject.
Christ and Cutting Somebody Out of Your Life
Author: Richard Jarzynka
Is there a time for you, as a Christian, to tell somebody that you will no longer have anything to do with them? And, if so, how do you do that in a Christlike manner?
Last May I ended an acquaintance that had lasted for ten years. I had encountered this man, on average, a couple of times per week over that decade and from the start I noticed that he tended to become very negative about many things. Sometimes I agreed with him. Most times, I did not. But our conversations were usually friendly and occasionally thought-provoking, so, I maintained the relationship.
But over the course of years, I steadily wore down.
We had several bitter arguments about matters of little importance. And a couple of others in which I told him straight-out that I am a Christian and that I was not going to listen to his sordid sexual comments about women or racial slurs of immigrants and Muslims. Like me, this man claims to be a Christian.
Notwithstanding my increasing discomfort with this man, I felt the need to be something of a friend to him. I apologized after a couple of arguments and, perhaps, should have done so more. I encouraged his efforts to get in shape. And I made at least a half-hearted effort to understand his contrary points of view and look past his pessimistic nature, put-downs of others, and gossip. But more and more I found myself anticipating his next negative barrage and preparing my counter-arguments. I discovered myself, a number of times, actively hoping not to see him and engaging in speculative arguments with him in my head. It wasn’t good. In the words of my three-year-old nephew, “It made me cwanky.” And after seeing him, I would become even “cwankier.”
Finally, there came a day when he pounced on me – in public and within earshot of friends – and barked an attack that I had fairly well anticipated. I tried to present him with the facts and solid reasoning that countered his rant, but I ended up ranting back.
Hours later, I was still carrying on the mutual diatribe in my head. Something had to change. It was simply not good for my mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being to anticipate seeing this man, to actually attempt a conversation with him, and to then be still ranting in my brain with him hours after our last encounter.
I prayed about it and I went to scripture. There, I found the following verses:
“Do not speak to fools, for they will scorn your prudent words.” (Proverbs 23:9)
“Do not answer fools according to their folly, or you yourself will become like them.” (Proverbs 26:4)
“Do not be deceived: Bad company corrupts good character.” (1Corinthians 15:33)
Now, I may or may not be accurate in assessing this man to be a fool, but there can be no doubt that, for me, this man was, indeed, Bad Company.
I resolved to take action.
Two days later, the man approached me, smiling, and asked an innocent question. I could have easily smiled back and let by-gones be by-gones, but I answered shortly and then said without hesitation, “You and I can no longer speak with each other.” (That may sound harsh. I ask you to consider that it took ten years for me to get there.)
He flinched slightly, recovered quickly, and said, “That’s no problem.”
I went on to explain, “You’re the most bitter and abrasive person I know and I can’t have that poison in my life.”
He repeated, “That’s no problem,” and walked away.
We have not spoken to each other in the eight months hence, and I have no intention of breaking my silence. I have not said anything to our mutual friends about the man or my decision not to speak with him. I pray for him nightly. And I ask God to heal our relationship, but until – and unless – that happens I know that it is God’s command for me to have nothing to do with him. His bitterness is poison to my soul and nobody’s “friendship” is worth that.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/christianity-articles/christ-and-cutting-somebody-out-of-your-life-1761034.html
About the Author
Richard Jarzynka is the author of “Blessed with Bipolar” (http://www.bipolarman.org) He has used the “symptoms” of the disorder to help him counsel clients; run a marathon; grow in his christian faith; and earn a masters degree in psychology, a scholarship to law school, and a football scholarship. He blogs at www.bipolarman.org/blog
